As I was saying, beginnings are killing me. 

As most of the times I seem to balance (heh) between the 2 extremes of everything - though never really finding that perfect balance - I also realized in the meantime that endings are not such a great thing for me either. 

Thus, introducing the core-girl. 

This core-girl actually loves beginnings, after she of courses pushes herself off her mental-couch to actually begin something. Anything. :)

And this core-girl knows that beginnings can sometimes be difficult, but also that other times they happen to come out of pure, blind luck. Beginnings can be surprising or anticipated, quick&painless or slow&idiotic. They could require deep mind mapping or just a simple bright idea. 

Beginnings can also be perfect, though most of the times they are full of flaws - which is actually perfectly normal. Practice makes it perfect. As also ambition, determination, courage and belief might help. But that's just speaking again about the core. (sorry, can't help it :>)

Speaking so much about beginnings and having the word "perfect" in my head for already some time now, I thought I should finally begin that "perfect" series I've been dreaming about. 

And how could I start, if not with...those perfect beginnings.

We all had that perfect little beginning, which we wished it would never end.

Even if we speak about taking the first bite from a Sneakers bar or hearing a song which makes you believe music must have never existed before it, I think we experience thousands of beginnings during our lives, but to which we don't really give a close look.

It might probably make our days better if we just took the time to actually enjoy every little thing around us. Like that hedonist you must have in your Facebook friends' list, who is always posting pictures, quotes or status updates about happiness and whom you must hate, at least from time to time, because someone like that is not real. Or is just an ignorant to the rest of the world. 

But leaving hate aside :D... (damn it, I really had a positive idea about this.)

(there it is!)

I love having the first piece of a plate of home-made cheesecake. Wearing a new pair of leather shoes. Finding a new song which makes me feel like my ears&brain have been lied to before it was created. Meeting a new person who smiles as much as me. Meeting a new person who is 120% built of enthusiasm and ideas. Basically, meeting new people and discussing about nothing&everything. Discovering a new place, a new taste, a new image. Listening to an old song and finding a new meaning for it. Driving someone else's car for the first time. Reading a new book of an author you've read and known by heart by now. Buying a small thing which brings a big smile on someone else's face - and mine, automatically. The first snow of a winter. The first day of school / at a new job. Getting a brilliant idea out of nothing. Doing things I wouldn't have done a year ago. 

The core girl, sad of realism and infected with optimism. :)

PS: see if you can spot your perfect beginnings.
PPS: I love "PS"s. And apparently, making playwrighter comments, as if I am writing a theatre play - apologies if these are disturbing, feedback regarding this possibly annoying style  is welcomed. :)

...year after year...what have you found?

I was talking yesterday to a friend, trying together to figure out what is something she likes a bit more than just much, in order to turn it into a hobby.

Half an hour later of me suggesting things and she saying no to the very idea, I gave up.

So after this powerful discussion, she still has no hobby after work and I am now left again with many ideas and no time to turn them into reality. I would do more than one thing I like at the same time, but the "British scientists" apparently keep saying it's still not possible.

So how is it, then?

Is it alright to chase more dreams at the same time or should we focus on one and die trying to make that happen? Is this world small enough to try to be good in only one direction?

By dreams I mean rabbits / opportunities / targets / goals / beliefs, called them as you wish.

PS:

That's what he said. 

That's what he said on a night when I told him that a part of me is disappointed. And that a part of my soul is stuck in my throat, asking "why?".

I know what is the reality now, though some years ago I was dreaming of changing the world. Making people better, improving the quality of life. Actually doing something.

When I stopped blinking like a deer in front of the headlights and realized that impossible things do exist, a small part of me died with the thought. A part of my childhood's specific enthusiasm died and made space for the coldness of the dreamy realism I am suffering from now. 

I am sorry, World, I eventually failed in believing I can make you better on my own. I was looking at what the human animals around me are doing and realized that the remaining enthusiasm will eventually die, piece by piece.

So I changed the strategy and I am now working on myself, on making myself better and perhaps inspiring others to do the same. If we don't start with ourselves, then I am sorry again, World. Perhaps our generation has to die and make space for the new enthusiastics. 

But you should know, World, I will at least die trying.

Girl, you're glamorous, famous, notorious, dangerous...and he's the crazy one, you say. : )

Many things have been said about perfection by now.

The main idea is that we already know perfection doesn't exist. Then you might ask yourself, why is M still writing about this used idea?

It doesn't exist, ok. Yet, I write and you're reading about it, as you and me continue to wish for it and to aim for it...and it's great to have a purpose in life. 

So, you see, I share this purpose with you, my imperfect readers. : )

I'm happy to know that perfection still hasn't been defined in a 100% certain way, since one's perfection is surely not like another's. 

Thus, my stubbornness created a belief in my mind, which keeps telling me everyday that perfection can be achieved in the end, even if it means I have to take baby steps.
I know that every big thing has to start somewhere and needs time to grow. So I'm patient. For this purpose, I own quality-patience. :)

This is where I will start my "perfect" series, where, step by step, perfection will eventually be created. 

You'll see. : )

I have many ideas for creating perfection. 

But beginning things always kills me. even if I've said before that I love beginnings. I do love them, the feeling of butterflies in my stomach is always nice...but it still creates a hole in my soul, killing tiny bits of it every time. It's like losing brain cells you know you will never get back.

Having this said...to be continued.