Time comes and goes and it doesn’t really come back. Philosophing much? Mayhaps.

Philosophically speaking, I have nothing to write about.

And not just philosophically. The past months have proved to be very interesting for my self-development, as I’ve been putting myself through some new situations and I learned some new things, maybe 2 or 3 even about myself. There’s no use in detailing, because no one really wants to know about an individual’s private life that much, unless I would’ve reinvented the wheel or anything as cool as that. Besides, this is also something else that adulthood brought me, I don’t need to tell the world everything about myself – and that might be either a sign of sanity or a sign or a newly installed insanity. Time will pass and it shall tell.

In the meantime, here’s something my 4 fans might be interested of: I started writing on my book. It has already at least 13 possible beginnings and, same as many things I have started in my life, it might not see the day of also getting an ending any time soon.

Good news is that the past months helped me find a lot of new music, which brought a refreshed playlist on my phone and in my head.

And, I am preparing for an awesome holiday, which is the reason for my today’s joy.

So there it is, my awesomely normal life. Blessed by the sounds of great music.

Sometimes, thinking and rethinking about a certain idea is not necessarily the best solution. Over-thinking decisions might just take the right moment of action from before your eyes and then, all of a sudden, you are left with an over-thought decision, that you missed the opportunity to actually implement. 

So this belief makes me realize there are times when I feel that I act based only on my instinct. There are many times like this, after which I have the impression I might have just made a huge mistake, but then I calm down and start breathing through the infinite dosage of optimism that lies in all the pores of my body. And if there is anything anyone could say about me, is that, as much as I love perfection, I am a terribly messy person. Apart from my work e-mail, where I have arranged everything like an OCD patient who's refusing treatment :D, my wardrobe is messy, my desk is messy, my hair is messy most of the times, my thoughts are messy. Yet, in order to fit the definition of a true messy person, I can find whatever I need and fast, no matter how messy my search territory is. 

Take a leap. Take a deep breath and take the risk. Jump. You might not rotate in the air like a cat, but you do have a chance to land on your feet.

We, Romanians, have an expression: doing -insert stuff here- like a goose goes through water. 

As an explanation, water goes away from the goose's feathers, so it's not affected by the wet walk.

Yes, I know, I am not even close to being old, so I don't have quite an extensive life experience. I probably, hopefully, have more years to live ahead and time and opportunities to gain more and more experience, so I am now speaking again as a mini-beginner. Or as much as the mini-adult that I managed to become.

Truth is that the recent years made me experiment situations with which I hoped I would not have to deal with, at least for a while, so I managed to change some of my perspectives and tried to look more at the big picture, rather than focusing on the small issues.
Then again, I see people around me going through life like the goose I was mentioning at the beginning. More and more I am forced to digest that "ignorance is bliss" saying, as I see it tends to become a habit; and like all habits, embraced by many, I am sick to the stomach when I think it will in the end become something more than normality itself.
I see people worried about clothes, carbs and diets, I see poor people on the street about whom no one gives a damn while walking past them, I see rich kids spending money they will never know how it was earned, I see animals killing dogs, I see lovers hurting people.

Some weeks ago I was having a tea in a tea-house and at the table next to mine there was a couple. Since the tables are very close to each other, I managed to enjoy their 3 hours conversation - even if I know that paying attention to people's discussions is not polite, but I was simply hearing more or less everything. 3 hours later I was still amazed, but happy they left. I couldn't indulge more talks about, food, Coke Zero, going to the gym and so on.
Ignorance is bliss. But at least they seemed to be happy.

I should be doing 3 other things instead of writing here. But I will politely invite words like "should" and "have to" to gently go towards having a cup of lava in Hell. And I will write here. 

I started my yesterday evening with a visit to the doctor. 

I cured my follow-up bad mood with shopping for dresses and with drinking ginger-mint tea with a friend, in a hipster cafe, downtown Vienna. We talked about different things, like we always do when we meet, like the first time we met and talked for 3 hours, while the people around must have thought we are old friends.

We talked about happiness, adventures, family and friends, we joked about the future, loneliness and uncertainties and we ended up travelling with the subway, on our way to our homes, with him making fun of me for taking the tram for 2 stops instead of walking. 

As if walking alone in the night is my favourite thing in the world. 

But I did it. The tram was coming in 12 minutes, so I decided to walk, even if I somehow feel afraid of doing it, after almost 10 years since that bad memory occured downtown Bucharest.

I liked it. I walked 80% of the way 2 metres behind a tall brunette guy, who was walking a small cute white dog, which was turning every 14 steps to look at me.

This morning I decided to walk a little instead of taking the tram. I was already late for work, but since my schedule is more or less flexible and my colleagues + manager are the best ones anyone could wish for, I considered there's no need for me to be stressed on such a rainy Thursday morning.

Now, Vienna is not the greenest city you could live in, so most of my way to work is full of concrete and artificial things. 

As I was listening to my morning playlist, I found myself smiling while I realized that since autumn came and the leaves started falling, I guess no one bothered to clean the sidewalk  in my neighbourhood. This is how I found myself walking on a carpet of leaves in all colours......

........realizing I finally learned how to enjoy Autumn. :-)

As I'm flying quite often lately, I obviously have time to think about different things - even if before I had the opportunity of doing nothing, I of course wasted that precious time doing something.

Different things, such as: starting from the idea that a person denying their roots denies a part of their identity and ending with a whole speech, that I forgot as soon as the plane hit the ground.

Or: listening to weird music during a late flight, when the aircraft is just partially illuminated, leaves you space for even more over-thinking and over-analysing. 

Not thinking at all from time to time would be a welcomed relief, but we shall have time for peace later on.

Today I found this video, of a guy who crashed with the plane in the Hudson river.
Initially, I was just curious to see what it would be like to go through such an experience, but after listening to the guy finish his speech, I realized I am already considering the first 2 things he mentions. And I did this even before I got to go through such a shock...while for the 3rd, I already know I will be a kick-ass parent. So, happy Birthday to me, seems like I am not old for nothing. :-)

I 

Some music in my headphones, if you please:

I dreamed about becoming a dancer since I was 8 - 9 years old. 

But I didn't tell my parents about it, nor did I push myself enough to do it. So first time I stepped in a dance class it was already too late for me to be able to make a career in dancing. 

Note to self: If I ever get to have children, I will encourage them to tell me what are they dreaming about. Most of all, I will encourage them to dream and to never stop believing that dreams do come true, even if sometimes the necessary workload might be more than what other dreams would require. 

I lost so many things so many years, just because I was afraid or to shy to ask for them.

Now I still look at videos like the one below...like that 8 years old little girl used to watch a Russian ballet show on a black and white TV, dreaming that someday she will be the most graceful swan on the lake. :-)

...year after year...what have you found?

I was talking yesterday to a friend, trying together to figure out what is something she likes a bit more than just much, in order to turn it into a hobby.

Half an hour later of me suggesting things and she saying no to the very idea, I gave up.

So after this powerful discussion, she still has no hobby after work and I am now left again with many ideas and no time to turn them into reality. I would do more than one thing I like at the same time, but the "British scientists" apparently keep saying it's still not possible.

So how is it, then?

Is it alright to chase more dreams at the same time or should we focus on one and die trying to make that happen? Is this world small enough to try to be good in only one direction?

By dreams I mean rabbits / opportunities / targets / goals / beliefs, called them as you wish.

PS:

I'm a true-blue romantic. But sometimes I embrace reality with my cruel soul. 

Many people have seen both sides. And I fear both of them, in equal measures.

I learned that sweet&cute coincidences are coincidences and nothing more.

Because if we start seeing something repeatedly, it may be sweet and cute, but it means nothing to the untrained mind. To the trained mind it means just that it has been trained very good in that aspect.

Rehab is for quitters. I miss smoking and I'm a hypocrite for telling people to stop smoking.

I will give myself an additional year before I will stop feeling guilty for telling people to quit smoking. Until then, I'm still in probation.

Speaking of which, tequila is back in my life. :heart:

Let's take "I will always", but let's just say something about "I never" and a little bit about "I love you".

I equally hate and love the above 3 dangerous words/foolishnesses.

Yesterday evening I dined at a restaurant who is now high on my favourite places' list.

Best sea food and desert I've ever had. I'm starting to fall in love with Cuba.

"Nothing is more powerful than the human spirit."

"Life is about creating yourself."

So do something good, while you're at it.

Returning today from Ljubljana I realised I haven't thought enough above my friend, Paris, in a while.

I will never forget you, Paris. But Paris, you see, we will meet in another lifetime, when we will both be cats. 

We have to.

Hit it, Gary:

Your guitar still brings the chills down my spine.

In the end, I still haven't found the answer to what is stopping me to finish all projects I start. Most probably, the simplest explanation I have found by now is that, if the process is too long, I am getting bored, like every 2 year-old gets bored of their toys. 

Too bad this usually applies to the most important of them, most important to me. You know how sometimes you find a line in a book or see what may appear like simple small talk in a movie, that turns your mind to reflect on it for half a day? I do that often, I split hairs and get ideas, sometimes from nothing. 

My Mom told me once, in one of our very few argues we've encountered in my mature life, that I sometimes treat the people I most care about, with the least consideration, as if I consider them to be next to me no matter what, without imagining that they someday might just pack their bags and leave. Truth is, what are families and best friends for, if not to stay by your side no matter how much of a perky jerk you are, right? Wrong. That line opened my selfish mind, not a single person around us has to be there no matter what and accept the shit you put them up to just because you are blood related or you share some good memories. After all, blood may mean nothing if you don't need a transplant and good memories can be stained with bad ones, if you choose the wrong path in dealing with anyone in your life. 

I currently have an exact, small number of people whom I can tell I love. Others know that I care about them, but only these few could actually hear the words pop out of my mouth. And I'm proud of it. Nothing good really comes in big quantities.

Did you ever have that dangerous feeling that too much sleep might kill you?

Yeah, me neither.

Sleep depravation, please go away, you're making me tired.
My minds feels as (s)mashed up as this song: