A few moments earlier I surprised myself while drawing on the bed with my index finger, repetitively, the sign of infinity.

I should be doing 3 other things instead of writing here. But I will politely invite words like "should" and "have to" to gently go towards having a cup of lava in Hell. And I will write here. 

I started my yesterday evening with a visit to the doctor. 

I cured my follow-up bad mood with shopping for dresses and with drinking ginger-mint tea with a friend, in a hipster cafe, downtown Vienna. We talked about different things, like we always do when we meet, like the first time we met and talked for 3 hours, while the people around must have thought we are old friends.

We talked about happiness, adventures, family and friends, we joked about the future, loneliness and uncertainties and we ended up travelling with the subway, on our way to our homes, with him making fun of me for taking the tram for 2 stops instead of walking. 

As if walking alone in the night is my favourite thing in the world. 

But I did it. The tram was coming in 12 minutes, so I decided to walk, even if I somehow feel afraid of doing it, after almost 10 years since that bad memory occured downtown Bucharest.

I liked it. I walked 80% of the way 2 metres behind a tall brunette guy, who was walking a small cute white dog, which was turning every 14 steps to look at me.

This morning I decided to walk a little instead of taking the tram. I was already late for work, but since my schedule is more or less flexible and my colleagues + manager are the best ones anyone could wish for, I considered there's no need for me to be stressed on such a rainy Thursday morning.

Now, Vienna is not the greenest city you could live in, so most of my way to work is full of concrete and artificial things. 

As I was listening to my morning playlist, I found myself smiling while I realized that since autumn came and the leaves started falling, I guess no one bothered to clean the sidewalk  in my neighbourhood. This is how I found myself walking on a carpet of leaves in all colours......

........realizing I finally learned how to enjoy Autumn. :-)

As I was saying, beginnings are killing me. 

As most of the times I seem to balance (heh) between the 2 extremes of everything - though never really finding that perfect balance - I also realized in the meantime that endings are not such a great thing for me either. 

Thus, introducing the core-girl. 

This core-girl actually loves beginnings, after she of courses pushes herself off her mental-couch to actually begin something. Anything. :)

And this core-girl knows that beginnings can sometimes be difficult, but also that other times they happen to come out of pure, blind luck. Beginnings can be surprising or anticipated, quick&painless or slow&idiotic. They could require deep mind mapping or just a simple bright idea. 

Beginnings can also be perfect, though most of the times they are full of flaws - which is actually perfectly normal. Practice makes it perfect. As also ambition, determination, courage and belief might help. But that's just speaking again about the core. (sorry, can't help it :>)

Speaking so much about beginnings and having the word "perfect" in my head for already some time now, I thought I should finally begin that "perfect" series I've been dreaming about. 

And how could I start, if not with...those perfect beginnings.

We all had that perfect little beginning, which we wished it would never end.

Even if we speak about taking the first bite from a Sneakers bar or hearing a song which makes you believe music must have never existed before it, I think we experience thousands of beginnings during our lives, but to which we don't really give a close look.

It might probably make our days better if we just took the time to actually enjoy every little thing around us. Like that hedonist you must have in your Facebook friends' list, who is always posting pictures, quotes or status updates about happiness and whom you must hate, at least from time to time, because someone like that is not real. Or is just an ignorant to the rest of the world. 

But leaving hate aside :D... (damn it, I really had a positive idea about this.)

(there it is!)

I love having the first piece of a plate of home-made cheesecake. Wearing a new pair of leather shoes. Finding a new song which makes me feel like my ears&brain have been lied to before it was created. Meeting a new person who smiles as much as me. Meeting a new person who is 120% built of enthusiasm and ideas. Basically, meeting new people and discussing about nothing&everything. Discovering a new place, a new taste, a new image. Listening to an old song and finding a new meaning for it. Driving someone else's car for the first time. Reading a new book of an author you've read and known by heart by now. Buying a small thing which brings a big smile on someone else's face - and mine, automatically. The first snow of a winter. The first day of school / at a new job. Getting a brilliant idea out of nothing. Doing things I wouldn't have done a year ago. 

The core girl, sad of realism and infected with optimism. :)

PS: see if you can spot your perfect beginnings.
PPS: I love "PS"s. And apparently, making playwrighter comments, as if I am writing a theatre play - apologies if these are disturbing, feedback regarding this possibly annoying style  is welcomed. :)

Many things have been said about perfection by now.

The main idea is that we already know perfection doesn't exist. Then you might ask yourself, why is M still writing about this used idea?

It doesn't exist, ok. Yet, I write and you're reading about it, as you and me continue to wish for it and to aim for it...and it's great to have a purpose in life. 

So, you see, I share this purpose with you, my imperfect readers. : )

I'm happy to know that perfection still hasn't been defined in a 100% certain way, since one's perfection is surely not like another's. 

Thus, my stubbornness created a belief in my mind, which keeps telling me everyday that perfection can be achieved in the end, even if it means I have to take baby steps.
I know that every big thing has to start somewhere and needs time to grow. So I'm patient. For this purpose, I own quality-patience. :)

This is where I will start my "perfect" series, where, step by step, perfection will eventually be created. 

You'll see. : )

I have many ideas for creating perfection. 

But beginning things always kills me. even if I've said before that I love beginnings. I do love them, the feeling of butterflies in my stomach is always nice...but it still creates a hole in my soul, killing tiny bits of it every time. It's like losing brain cells you know you will never get back.

Having this said...to be continued.