Time comes and goes and it doesn’t really come back. Philosophing much? Mayhaps.

Philosophically speaking, I have nothing to write about.

And not just philosophically. The past months have proved to be very interesting for my self-development, as I’ve been putting myself through some new situations and I learned some new things, maybe 2 or 3 even about myself. There’s no use in detailing, because no one really wants to know about an individual’s private life that much, unless I would’ve reinvented the wheel or anything as cool as that. Besides, this is also something else that adulthood brought me, I don’t need to tell the world everything about myself – and that might be either a sign of sanity or a sign or a newly installed insanity. Time will pass and it shall tell.

In the meantime, here’s something my 4 fans might be interested of: I started writing on my book. It has already at least 13 possible beginnings and, same as many things I have started in my life, it might not see the day of also getting an ending any time soon.

Good news is that the past months helped me find a lot of new music, which brought a refreshed playlist on my phone and in my head.

And, I am preparing for an awesome holiday, which is the reason for my today’s joy.

So there it is, my awesomely normal life. Blessed by the sounds of great music.

I should be doing 3 other things instead of writing here. But I will politely invite words like "should" and "have to" to gently go towards having a cup of lava in Hell. And I will write here. 

I started my yesterday evening with a visit to the doctor. 

I cured my follow-up bad mood with shopping for dresses and with drinking ginger-mint tea with a friend, in a hipster cafe, downtown Vienna. We talked about different things, like we always do when we meet, like the first time we met and talked for 3 hours, while the people around must have thought we are old friends.

We talked about happiness, adventures, family and friends, we joked about the future, loneliness and uncertainties and we ended up travelling with the subway, on our way to our homes, with him making fun of me for taking the tram for 2 stops instead of walking. 

As if walking alone in the night is my favourite thing in the world. 

But I did it. The tram was coming in 12 minutes, so I decided to walk, even if I somehow feel afraid of doing it, after almost 10 years since that bad memory occured downtown Bucharest.

I liked it. I walked 80% of the way 2 metres behind a tall brunette guy, who was walking a small cute white dog, which was turning every 14 steps to look at me.

This morning I decided to walk a little instead of taking the tram. I was already late for work, but since my schedule is more or less flexible and my colleagues + manager are the best ones anyone could wish for, I considered there's no need for me to be stressed on such a rainy Thursday morning.

Now, Vienna is not the greenest city you could live in, so most of my way to work is full of concrete and artificial things. 

As I was listening to my morning playlist, I found myself smiling while I realized that since autumn came and the leaves started falling, I guess no one bothered to clean the sidewalk  in my neighbourhood. This is how I found myself walking on a carpet of leaves in all colours......

........realizing I finally learned how to enjoy Autumn. :-)

There was once a short story about freedom, which was obstinately bitch slapping people in their faces every time they forgot how she tasted.

I don't know the whole story, since I am too tired to think of writing it now :-). Like from all good stories, all I need to remember is the main idea, so I won't waste time recreating the fantasy in between.

So since I whispered the magic word (=tired) and thanks to stalking my favourite stalker, let's just close them eyes and think of dreaming, while falling asleep on this:

...that created that damned grey.

As I'm flying quite often lately, I obviously have time to think about different things - even if before I had the opportunity of doing nothing, I of course wasted that precious time doing something.

Different things, such as: starting from the idea that a person denying their roots denies a part of their identity and ending with a whole speech, that I forgot as soon as the plane hit the ground.

Or: listening to weird music during a late flight, when the aircraft is just partially illuminated, leaves you space for even more over-thinking and over-analysing. 

Not thinking at all from time to time would be a welcomed relief, but we shall have time for peace later on.

Today I found this video, of a guy who crashed with the plane in the Hudson river.
Initially, I was just curious to see what it would be like to go through such an experience, but after listening to the guy finish his speech, I realized I am already considering the first 2 things he mentions. And I did this even before I got to go through such a shock...while for the 3rd, I already know I will be a kick-ass parent. So, happy Birthday to me, seems like I am not old for nothing. :-)

I 

Some music in my headphones, if you please:

Combining states of mind with colours, sounds and tastes,
I wish you would have seen how the clouds were laughing that day,
When all I wanted was that the day would end
And the evening would slowly drown in the night,
So that all of this could pass by and create
Just another piece of this long lasting dream
And fantasy, created along the
Different ideas and similar past experiences,
But you weren't there,
When my mind
Was creating
Those laughing clouds.

I'm pretty sure Beth knows how to explain this to you better.

Girl, you're glamorous, famous, notorious, dangerous...and he's the crazy one, you say. : )

Many things have been said about perfection by now.

The main idea is that we already know perfection doesn't exist. Then you might ask yourself, why is M still writing about this used idea?

It doesn't exist, ok. Yet, I write and you're reading about it, as you and me continue to wish for it and to aim for it...and it's great to have a purpose in life. 

So, you see, I share this purpose with you, my imperfect readers. : )

I'm happy to know that perfection still hasn't been defined in a 100% certain way, since one's perfection is surely not like another's. 

Thus, my stubbornness created a belief in my mind, which keeps telling me everyday that perfection can be achieved in the end, even if it means I have to take baby steps.
I know that every big thing has to start somewhere and needs time to grow. So I'm patient. For this purpose, I own quality-patience. :)

This is where I will start my "perfect" series, where, step by step, perfection will eventually be created. 

You'll see. : )

I have many ideas for creating perfection. 

But beginning things always kills me. even if I've said before that I love beginnings. I do love them, the feeling of butterflies in my stomach is always nice...but it still creates a hole in my soul, killing tiny bits of it every time. It's like losing brain cells you know you will never get back.

Having this said...to be continued.

I'm a true-blue romantic. But sometimes I embrace reality with my cruel soul. 

Many people have seen both sides. And I fear both of them, in equal measures.

I learned that sweet&cute coincidences are coincidences and nothing more.

Because if we start seeing something repeatedly, it may be sweet and cute, but it means nothing to the untrained mind. To the trained mind it means just that it has been trained very good in that aspect.

Rehab is for quitters. I miss smoking and I'm a hypocrite for telling people to stop smoking.

I will give myself an additional year before I will stop feeling guilty for telling people to quit smoking. Until then, I'm still in probation.

Speaking of which, tequila is back in my life. :heart:

Let's take "I will always", but let's just say something about "I never" and a little bit about "I love you".

I equally hate and love the above 3 dangerous words/foolishnesses.

Yesterday evening I dined at a restaurant who is now high on my favourite places' list.

Best sea food and desert I've ever had. I'm starting to fall in love with Cuba.

"Nothing is more powerful than the human spirit."

"Life is about creating yourself."

So do something good, while you're at it.

Returning today from Ljubljana I realised I haven't thought enough above my friend, Paris, in a while.

I will never forget you, Paris. But Paris, you see, we will meet in another lifetime, when we will both be cats. 

We have to.

Hit it, Gary:

Your guitar still brings the chills down my spine.

You know I rarely lose my words, my kind, serious friend. 

I rarely stop thinking, so I rarely can get away from reality - even when I'm dreaming, I still can't convince my feet to get off the ground completely. 

But when I do lose my words, please, show me patience. 

I know that patience is not my favourite quality of them all, but this is the thing...since I cannot have it all the time, I love quality-patience and the people who can afford it. It's that patience that doesn't give you the sentiment of wasting time, it's that patience that gives you the warm and fuzzy feeling that, yes, yes, a thousand times, yes, it's worth it... It's that beautiful thing that comes up with a bucket of white roses at the end of the rainbow. 

So, for moments when I need you to show me your quality-patience, be sure that, in return, my smile will grow small, white roses, just for you to keep in your upper-left pocket.

Thank you for your patience, meine ernste Freund. :)

As if life wasn't complicated enough, a snowstorm just had to start.

As if it wasn't cold enough, my book just had to end before I even started writing it.

As if curiosity wasn't enough, my fine cat senses made me put my whiskers in the air.

Sniffing...something's happening.

A sandstorm during a snowstorm must surely happen somewhere. No one has ever heard of such a predicament, but it's happening now in a far-far away land, where 43 squirrels are dancing with their mates, as if that's such a normal thing to dream about.

As if it wasn't hot enough, I just know I attract these things, so there's no one else to blame them for.

Might as well embrace them, Miez, might as well embrace them.

Such is life. : )

Did you ever have that dangerous feeling that too much sleep might kill you?

Yeah, me neither.

Sleep depravation, please go away, you're making me tired.
My minds feels as (s)mashed up as this song:

   

Funny how sometimes you feel like 24 hours are just not enough for only one day.

Though your mind and body could definitely stay awake for at least 12 hours more, the corrupted world that we live in and which we are constantly blaming for everything that basically doesn't work around us, tells us that a day has 24 hours. So, fuck you, system.

And even if science proves that days are getting longer, neither of us will live long enough to get to live that 36 hours' day; so the hell with this science blah-blah. Still, such a pity.

But sometimes, you get the brilliant chance to enjoy such a warm and fuzzy feeling that I usually like to call "happiness". And even if reason tells you to go screw yourself with this romantic idea that comes into your mind, deep down, you just know that you're wishing this moment will not end soon. Oh, you dreamer.

So in order to make ends meet, I think we should be able to choose when the days could be longer. We just have to keep in mind the fact that quality things usually come in small portions, like they serve food at fancy restaurants. But from time to time, we should really be able to say "fuck you, reason, I'm making this day longer", so that this warm and fuzzy feeling could stay around for more...making people happier, allowing them to be better, fighting the corrupted world around them, making the system better. Damn you,  you, enthusiastic, you.

I know you share this idea.
While you are reading, I think you have a smile on your face. 

I think that now you are remembering about that day, when you looked at the clock and realised time simply flew and you can't even imagine how some hours went by, without you even noticing. And look outside, it's already dark, hah. But there are still so many things you would do at the very same time and you hear the words coming out of your mouth, like a child is asking for candy: "No, wait, what do you mean it's late and you must go home?" Your mind is now creating a million arguments for the very simple situation in which you are just trying...to make that day longer.

Oh, you hopeless romantic. : )

I had a dream.

I wished for a road-trip, for a new teddy-bear, for a car, for discovering interesting music, for meeting new people.

I had a dream and then I had some more…and fulfilled my small dreams, piece by piece. And then I had another dream. And moved to another country, dreaming some more about anything, everything and mostly everyone I ever had for at least one or two minutes in my mind.

So I dreamt a lot by now, but I’m surely not stopping now. Cause if we don’t dream, how else should we know what is the base for our wishes and how else could we make those wishes turn into plans and then to actions which become dreams…that will eventually come true?

I wished for my Mum to hear the waves, from every sea and ocean I heard, even if she was still back home and not there with me. I still call her, every time I’m near the waves.

I wished that my Dad could go to a rock concert, even if he was sick for more than a year – I stood in my car at the entrance, ready to pick him up and take him to a hospital if anything happened. But nothing happened and we just went home after the concert.

I wished that my Aunt would deliver her child before I moved to another country. 4 days before I left, I met the new member of the family.

I wished that the people I once loved and had relationships with would find their peace, happiness and true halves, as I clearly wasn’t the one for them. Some of them already did, some are still on their paths to happiness. But happiness is a long term plan, so my wish still stands.

I wished for adventures, so I’ve tried some in my life by now. I fell in love with people, colors, music, cats and objects, I drank and smoke until 10am next morning, I danced, oh, how much I danced, I travelled, I took pictures and was photographed by both amateur and professional photographers, I’ve met stars, asked for autographs and shaken their hands, I went to concerts and sports matches, I tried to build up a career, I smiled and laughed, I fell in love some more, I wrote, tons and tons of pages of Word documents,

I wished to be powerful and proud, but I felt both like a powerful animal and a humble human being, I competed and won, I cried and moved on, I kept my back straight, but twice I felt like begging is my last option, I was sad, furious, happy, disappointed, trustworthy, curious, quiet, talkative, enigmatic, open like a book, elegant, creative, friendly, bitchy, stubborn, cry-baby,

I wished to be a better person, so I volunteered and helped, I asked for help and received it, I made surprises and got rewarded with brilliant, genuine smiles, I taught people and learned from the wiser ones,

…

I left the commas where I still have dreams to dream about.

And, to quote a T-shirt text of one of my dearest friends’: “so far, this is the oldest I have ever been”.

“All grown-ups were once children (but only few of them remember about that).”

Antoine de Saint-Exupery – The Little Prince

You can listen to me dreaming, here.