Combining states of mind with colours, sounds and tastes,
I wish you would have seen how the clouds were laughing that day,
When all I wanted was that the day would end
And the evening would slowly drown in the night,
So that all of this could pass by and create
Just another piece of this long lasting dream
And fantasy, created along the
Different ideas and similar past experiences,
But you weren't there,
When my mind
Was creating
Those laughing clouds.

I'm pretty sure Beth knows how to explain this to you better.

Recently I developed a passion of discovering people, piece by piece, as making people open up to me and trying to fill up their darkest corners with rainbows made me feel better in times when I needed it most.

But by recently, I am of course talking about the past years, as no passion develops like a summer rain. Or at least it shouldn't.

And by people, even more recently, I discovered I am no more comprising analyses over the individual in itself, but actually referring to the mass that individual belongs to. Sometimes my mind refuses to understand why would a mass of people act in such a way, when it is clearly the wrong direction, but after that my brain immediately switches off this theory and reminds me it is just a difference of perspective. I often say that having a different opinion than mine doesn't mean that either of us is necessarily wrong, because it means it is simply a matter of accepting different views over the same topic.

Then again, watching a mass poisoning itself with whatever is easiest accessible literally makes me sick. It also makes me think that reading about crowd psychology is just a waste of time, because there is nothing left to do here other than to analyse, without having a real chance of improvement.

....over me.

...but the crowd called out for more.

Like that time when I wanted to get some sleep and instead I had a billion thoughts, rushing altogether through a tiny gate inside my brain.

Or like that time when I had maybe too much to eat and I felt sorry for eating that much, but promising  myself I will surely taste that again.

ARK from grzegorz jonkajtys on Vimeo.

The past 3 days brought me in different states of mind. 

I had Romanian, Hungarian and Thai food. I tried sweet tastes, but I also had the chance of eating what was probably the spiciest food in my life.

I had a sweet-sour taste in my head, then I laughed and simply enjoyed the moment. 

I had a fight with him, then we had a resolution. I actually had a fight with myself, but he managed to take me out of it and we had a resolution.

I met new people, then watched them getting in a train and leaving. I will probably never see them again, though they seemed like they were nice.

The past 3 days gave me the opportunity of trying some new things, but also some old things in a new way; I had some beginnings, but also felt some sort of endings. 

I could say I had quite an activity and that I can't possibly complain about anything. So I won't. The past 3 days were how they were supposed to be.

PS: Today my good friend, Tudor, launched his book - which you can buy together with the "Romania Libera" newspaper.

speaking of which...the past 3 days I had all these experiences, but one thought came constantly in my mind: I should have been home.

As I was saying, beginnings are killing me. 

As most of the times I seem to balance (heh) between the 2 extremes of everything - though never really finding that perfect balance - I also realized in the meantime that endings are not such a great thing for me either. 

Thus, introducing the core-girl. 

This core-girl actually loves beginnings, after she of courses pushes herself off her mental-couch to actually begin something. Anything. :)

And this core-girl knows that beginnings can sometimes be difficult, but also that other times they happen to come out of pure, blind luck. Beginnings can be surprising or anticipated, quick&painless or slow&idiotic. They could require deep mind mapping or just a simple bright idea. 

Beginnings can also be perfect, though most of the times they are full of flaws - which is actually perfectly normal. Practice makes it perfect. As also ambition, determination, courage and belief might help. But that's just speaking again about the core. (sorry, can't help it :>)

Speaking so much about beginnings and having the word "perfect" in my head for already some time now, I thought I should finally begin that "perfect" series I've been dreaming about. 

And how could I start, if not with...those perfect beginnings.

We all had that perfect little beginning, which we wished it would never end.

Even if we speak about taking the first bite from a Sneakers bar or hearing a song which makes you believe music must have never existed before it, I think we experience thousands of beginnings during our lives, but to which we don't really give a close look.

It might probably make our days better if we just took the time to actually enjoy every little thing around us. Like that hedonist you must have in your Facebook friends' list, who is always posting pictures, quotes or status updates about happiness and whom you must hate, at least from time to time, because someone like that is not real. Or is just an ignorant to the rest of the world. 

But leaving hate aside :D... (damn it, I really had a positive idea about this.)

(there it is!)

I love having the first piece of a plate of home-made cheesecake. Wearing a new pair of leather shoes. Finding a new song which makes me feel like my ears&brain have been lied to before it was created. Meeting a new person who smiles as much as me. Meeting a new person who is 120% built of enthusiasm and ideas. Basically, meeting new people and discussing about nothing&everything. Discovering a new place, a new taste, a new image. Listening to an old song and finding a new meaning for it. Driving someone else's car for the first time. Reading a new book of an author you've read and known by heart by now. Buying a small thing which brings a big smile on someone else's face - and mine, automatically. The first snow of a winter. The first day of school / at a new job. Getting a brilliant idea out of nothing. Doing things I wouldn't have done a year ago. 

The core girl, sad of realism and infected with optimism. :)

PS: see if you can spot your perfect beginnings.
PPS: I love "PS"s. And apparently, making playwrighter comments, as if I am writing a theatre play - apologies if these are disturbing, feedback regarding this possibly annoying style  is welcomed. :)

...year after year...what have you found?

I was talking yesterday to a friend, trying together to figure out what is something she likes a bit more than just much, in order to turn it into a hobby.

Half an hour later of me suggesting things and she saying no to the very idea, I gave up.

So after this powerful discussion, she still has no hobby after work and I am now left again with many ideas and no time to turn them into reality. I would do more than one thing I like at the same time, but the "British scientists" apparently keep saying it's still not possible.

So how is it, then?

Is it alright to chase more dreams at the same time or should we focus on one and die trying to make that happen? Is this world small enough to try to be good in only one direction?

By dreams I mean rabbits / opportunities / targets / goals / beliefs, called them as you wish.

PS:

That's what he said. 

That's what he said on a night when I told him that a part of me is disappointed. And that a part of my soul is stuck in my throat, asking "why?".

I know what is the reality now, though some years ago I was dreaming of changing the world. Making people better, improving the quality of life. Actually doing something.

When I stopped blinking like a deer in front of the headlights and realized that impossible things do exist, a small part of me died with the thought. A part of my childhood's specific enthusiasm died and made space for the coldness of the dreamy realism I am suffering from now. 

I am sorry, World, I eventually failed in believing I can make you better on my own. I was looking at what the human animals around me are doing and realized that the remaining enthusiasm will eventually die, piece by piece.

So I changed the strategy and I am now working on myself, on making myself better and perhaps inspiring others to do the same. If we don't start with ourselves, then I am sorry again, World. Perhaps our generation has to die and make space for the new enthusiastics. 

But you should know, World, I will at least die trying.